Relationship Help

How Relationship Saver Helps!?

Relationship Breakdown, Relationship Break Downs and Relationship Advice

Dear Friend-

After dealing with thousands of people and their relationships, it became very obvious to me that the people who are looking for relationship help usually seek it after they have exhausted all the knowledge and tricks they themselves had up their sleeve. By the time they start looking for relationship help, it is often, if not too late, then at least more difficult to get the relationship help that would work than if they had started looking at the first signs of trouble. Statistically, people wait 7 years on average, before they ask for outside help!

What are Your Sources for Relationship Help?

So, what are the sources that people look for when they need relationship help? As I mentioned above, they first try to do whatever they think would work. Unfortunately, to paraphrase Albert Einstein, solutions to a problem cannot be created by the mind of the person who created the problem in the first place.

Relationship help almost always must come from the outside. At this point it must be said that not all that is intended to be “relationship help” is actually helpful. The rule of the thumb is that the closer the person is to the troubled participants in a relationship, the less meaningful help they can offer. Our logic will tell us that the “closer the person is to me, like friends and family, the more they care about me and the better advice they will give me.” Not so. Relationship help may easily turn to relationship hell when all the emotions of the people who care about you converge with your own.

And what if the person trying to “help” you secretly wants you to leave the relationship or secretly wants you to stay together but doesn’t admit it? Listen, no one that you know that cares about you can “help” you without their agenda; their agenda is that they are trying to “help” you to do what they think is best for you and how can you know if their agenda is your agenda? You need someone without an agenda that is only interested in your peace of mind, happiness and freedom.

So, If My Family And Friends Can’t Help, Then…?

Relationship help can come only from an unattached individual who has no stake in the relationship one way or another. Only such a person can be brutally honest and that is what you need right this second if you are reading this page.

Relationship help is best provided by people who can see the situation clearly and who are neutral so that they can read between the lines and uncover the blind spots, thus creating a different context from which a different point of view of the situation can emerge. Relationship help is also best provided by professionals in the field and often by older, wiser people. The range of professionals who offer relationship help is vast. It ranges from social workers, doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors and coaches. Which one is best for you depends what state you are in.

If you suffer from severe depression or a mental disorder, then doctors, psychologists and even psychiatrists may be for you. If you have a relatively small problem and you are mentally healthy, then a social worker or a coach may be your answer. Also, it is a good idea to consult a social worker first if you suspect a mental disorder. From the feedback I receive, relationship help does not seem to be very fruitful if it comes from marriage counselors. This is not about counselors; the system is set up that way. It seems to be outdated for most situations. It presumes that both partners want to get relationship help when, in fact, many couples go to counselors together just because one partner wants help with their relationship but the other is resisting it. In other words, one person wants to stay in and the other one wants out.

I find that at this stage a good coach often recognizes that the only person who can make a difference in a relationship is the one who wants to keep it, the one who seeks help. Therefore, why bother with a destructive party at all. Focus on and give relationship help to a person who is committed to the relationship, the premise here being that:

a) people REACT to each other and
b) no one can change anyone else without their consent.

So, if you want to keep the relationship, you first need to see your relationship in another context by having insights about what your part was in the relationship breakdown. Once you see that, the point of view about your relationship changes and your behavior consequently changes. When your behavior changes, your partner will react to THAT changed behavior and “Voila!” things turn around and a new relationship is created. Therefore, if you think you may need help with your relationship do not waste time trying to fix it yourself because if you knew how, your relationship would not be where it is now.

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