Being in love and loving are not same. After buying and reading the Relationship Saver, some people ask for coaching. One of the most frequent reasons they mention for their partner leaving them is either they say their partner does not love them, or is not in love with them any more. These two may sound very similar and people may easily confuse the two, but distinguishing them is crucial for understanding what is really going on.
Being in love or falling in love is a temporary affair. It never lasts for very long. People inevitably fall out of love. Lust is very often confused with being in love. Both have the same primal purpose of making babies. One can either transform that feeling into the action of loving someone or not. In the latter case people often leave.
To love someone is a conscious choice. It is not a feeling – it is a doing; an action of loving. Loving someone is to love as opposed to be in love.
Also, there are different ways to love someone or something. You can love conditionally or unconditionally. Most people love someone or something because of something. Think about what it is that you love about your partner. Is that why you love him/her? We love our partners because they are good looking, well off, funny, have long hair, smart, educated, strong, forgiving, obedient etc., take your pick. The problem with this kind of love is that when the reason disappears or changes you will say: I don’t love you any more. And, I am out of here or, I’ll stick around, but I will not be happy and you will know it.
Now the most rewarding, freeing, liberating, fulfilling and rewarding kind of love is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I understand that it is much easier for a mother to give unconditional love to her child. Most mothers are unconditionally programmed to love their children unconditionally.
What does it mean to love without conditions attached? It means accepting the other exactly the way they are and exactly the way they are not. Thinking that people, or the world, or life should somehow be something else and blame them for not being the way you think they should be, that they are not created in your image of them borders with insanity. So the first step is acceptance of your partner for what she/he is, NOW. It is important to understand that fighting what is, is pointless. It is what it is and at that moment cannot be anything different.
So, get with the program; implement the second step towards an unconditional love and GIVE UP your fantasies about how things or people should be.
At this point you may start arguing with me that it is impossible, unrealistic, that you do not know how to do that, why should you do it when he/she _____________ (fill in the blank).
First, having the unconditional love in your life is totally your choice. No conditions on that one either. I am sure that you can find many reasons for not being able, or not wanting to do it. It is, as usual, up to you. Unconditional Love is available to you for the taking (read: expressing). If you want to be powerful in life, love unconditionally. Be free and loved, happy and independent. You do not need anyone to love you. Love lives inside of you ready and waiting and wanting to be unleashed. Are you afraid? Fine, love anyway.