Communication Mistakes in Marriage: Expecting Your Partner To Read Your Mind
By: Jeff Barnet
Do you know how people think their partner should instinctively know how to meet their needs in a marriage? Read on to discover a communication technique that will enhance your relationship and get your needs met.
Even if you have been married forty years, your spouse still needs you to communicate with them. Most of us are not married to telepaths who can read our mind. However, if your husband has pointed ears and can do the Vulcan mind meld, then you may be married to a telepath and this does not apply to you.
Many people expect their spouses to be a Vulcan and automatically know what they need and want. I like to call this the psychic phenomenon.
Mild Psychic Phenomenon
At times, we all fall into the trap of believing our spouse automatically knows what we want. Usually this is over simple matters and there are not any lasting effects. It happens randomly.
For example, my wife asked me what cereal I wanted from the store. I told her that it did not matter to me. Although I did not have a preference at that time, my telepathy told me that she would not buy shredded wheat.
Of course you know where this story is going. My wife bought shredded wheat. I thought she could read my mind and assumed she would not buy that type of cereal.
This was a single isolated incidence and had no long-term repercussions on our marriage. I just ate shredded wheat for a week.
Moderate Psychic Phenomenon
Moderate issues form when one spouse has expectations of what the other spouse will do without discussing it.
For example, a wife expects her husband to help her clean up the kitchen after dinner. He assumes that she will take care of it and goes to watch a ball game. Over time, she gets frustrated and starts to build resentment toward him because he is not helping.
She needs to let him know that she wants help cleaning. This is a single issue that can be resolved if the couple will start discussing their expectations.
Severe Psychic Phenomenon
This occurs when someone is not able to be honest and assertive about his or her needs. Over time, they become angry and resentful that their needs are not being met. Then the relationship stops working for them and they explode.
However, it is because they did not let their partner know what they needed. In fact, their partner is often shocked because they thought everything was going well.
I have seen many cases when a wife never addressed issues that bothered her. She buried it for years until she reached a breaking point.
He was clueless that there was even a problem. She thought he should have intuitively known that there was a problem. She obviously thought that she had married a mind reader.
This could be avoided with honesty and openness about her needs.
Your marriage can "live long and prosper" (Star Trek)
Most of us are not experts at the Vulcan mind meld. Therefore, we need to clearly voice the expectations, desires and needs we have. This is one step to help your marriage live long and prosper (Star Trek).
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